So, I haven’t posted anything since February. I have a lot of half written posts, and a lot of ideas, but haven’t been able to finish anything. So, here’s me getting out of a rut by writing some rubbish (soz).
As usual, life is a rollercoaster (must be sung in Ronan Keating way). Past couple of months have included everything from funerals to new babies – the whole spectrum of human life one might say, if one was being a twat. Anyway.
Here’s some stuff that happened –
- A haircut.
- Baked some cakes.
- Went to see a night of YFC entertainments. We LOL’d.
- Did make up and prompting for two performances of a play.
- Two funerals.
- Used a jukebox for the first time in yeeears. Hello S Club 7.
- Read the book ‘It’s All Absolutely Fine’ by Ruby Elliot aka. Rubyetc. (link here) it’s excellent and you should read it.
- Went to a quiz. Did not win the quiz.
- My sheep started lambing, lambs were born, all the sheep have now lambed. Aaaand sleep.
- One parking ticket.
- Rediscovered Fat Freddy’s Drop. Essential ‘driving in sunny weather’ music.
- Finished the first bit of work I’ve done since July 2015. (Thanks Robbie, hope it’s alright!!)
- Straightened my hair.
- Took a LOT of naps.
- Had a complete failure of a day when I was supposed to be visiting a Riding for the Disabled Association riding centre, to deliver a cheque that we raised for them, in memory of my friend. Sometimes emotions just hit you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
- Heard the new Elbow song Gentle Storm and it is the most beautiful song and video and it’s actually rivaling One Day Like This to be my favourite Elbow song.
- Got a horrible cold and thought I was dying of a horrible illness. It was just a cold.
- Saw some live music.
- Had a couple of show stopping panic attacks that rendered me unable to move.
- Survived all the panic attacks.
- Had some lovely conversations with some lovely people.
- Went on a day long Confidence Building course and was bloody pleased with myself.
- Fed the animals approximately twenty billion hundred times.
- Read the book Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur (link here) it’s excellent and you should read it.
- Drove myself to an ESA meeting, by myself, went to the meeting, drove home. SUCCESS.
- Did some lambing for a neighbour, despite being fucking terrified of being responsible for like 400 sheep.
- Wondered if my anxiety will dictate my life forever, and if it will then what is the point?
- Had £187.57 stolen out of my bank account. Turns out PayPal is NOT as safe as they tell you.
- Appreciated some Maya Angelou quotes, such as “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud”
- Lost half a stone in weight, don’t even know how, am now eating copious amounts of peanut butter. (ps. This is a BAD THING, the losing weight. Don’t be all ‘I wish I could lose weight that easily blabla’, it’s not fun and it’s not a good thing to happen to me). Side effect of debilitating anxiety disorder, and also migraines. Bleugh.
- Met up with two of my best friends.
- Thought that my bones were made of matchsticks during one strange panic. My sister squished me because she saw on Grey’s Anatomy that it might help.
- Read Melissa Broder’s book So Sad Today (link here) it’s excellent and you should read it.
- Started an Instagram account to go with this blog, see below
- Took a million selfies with tiny lambs and filled my phone up until it wouldn’t work. Regret this zero amounts.
- Went to the pub, several times, drank a lot of orange juice.
- My friend had a baby girl, she is absolutely perfect and I can’t wait to meet her. I cried when I heard.
- Took a lot of photos of blossom.
- Made pancakes.
When I write it out like that, it looks like I did a fair amount, and a lot of good things. But the things that stick are the illnesses – the cold, the migraines, the panic attacks. They make a bigger impression. But it is good to be able to look at that list and think hmm yer, I did those things.
Also, the Instagram; I’m not sure why I never did this earlier, because memes, humour and sarcasm are great tools to deal with anxiety. There’s a lot of “laugh or you’ll cry” situations and there’s some joyous, hilarious and very relatable stuff out there. I am mostly reposting some of the fantastic artwork and illustrators that I’ve been following for years who make me feel like I’m not alone. Hopefully people will find a bit of comfort, or at least a laugh, in it. Find it here @imfinethanksblog
It’s full of things like this –
And here’s a photo of the eldest lamb, Haf. Just because she’s cute.
Thanks for sticking with me, more useful blog posts to come soon 😊 x